tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2601744386154353002024-02-19T20:48:36.801-05:00Scrimger Should Probably Be Writing Something ElseRichard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.comBlogger441125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-32471779736218599672019-07-16T20:17:00.000-05:002019-07-16T20:17:28.882-05:00Hey hey hey!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAMLQv1Bui8HmaqK0EhrPpLB7HOWjuoeXI6Fa1YWBvKC2rrmOGu5-euYJ5se1QA-Rl5v4tqCXc_0QYMlpzJLvSTWbDaEIG-OfoLy4ktH2qqAi4QN3zonZ0_yeDpdTPQZ5rRYGkr1Z2Owk/s1600/login.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAMLQv1Bui8HmaqK0EhrPpLB7HOWjuoeXI6Fa1YWBvKC2rrmOGu5-euYJ5se1QA-Rl5v4tqCXc_0QYMlpzJLvSTWbDaEIG-OfoLy4ktH2qqAi4QN3zonZ0_yeDpdTPQZ5rRYGkr1Z2Owk/s320/login.png" width="320" /></a></div>
Promise not to laugh? I lost my log-in info and have been unable to access my own website and blog. That's one reason I haven't been around.<br />
Another reason is that I am easily distracted, and busy. Two reasons.<br />
Whatever.<br />
I'm back now, thanks to my son-in-law's tech skills, which are greater than mine. Of course, the average five-year-old's tech skills are greater than mine. But Dean is quite savvy, and I finally got round to asking him to help. (See above for reasons why I did not do this earlier.)<br />
What's your log-in? he asked, and then, when I didn't know, What's your mail address? And when that proved to be the wrong address, Well, what addresses did you used to use? And finally, What phone number did you used to have? And then, sighing deeply and audibly (a common reaction when millennial discuss tech with parents or grandparents), Why don't we start from scratch?<br />
Which we did.<br />
So I'm back.<br />
Have you missed me?<br />
While I was away I wrote a book which will come out next year, and another one which will come out in about two months. I can give you a sneak preview now (not much of a sneak, since Scholastic is the publisher and they do NOT sneak around). Here's the cover.<br />
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I'll talk about the book here because, well, this whole site is about me and I don't mind playing along with that self-aware douchebaggery. If you're here, you care about me (thanks, Mom). It's harder for me to talk about myself on social media because - as I mention above - I am easily distracted and busy. But mostly because I feel like I'm intruding. You want to find out about Beyonce or baseball or Buttigieg (just choosing some B's at random there) and here I come tugging at your skirt and saying, Hey, hey, hey look at me! </div>
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Can you buy the book yet? No. Can you pre-order it? Sure, but I don't know how. I bet Scholastic can tell you. Or Indigo. Or maybe my son-on-law. Next time I see him I'll ask about a pre-order button. </div>
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Only by then I'll have forgotten how to log in again. </div>
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<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-66747217540867014352017-12-03T19:38:00.002-05:002017-12-03T19:38:41.615-05:00uber boo boo<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKmozysHoz9HrzmFtAyEpq_UeyfJnr3Vd1XCOvO5NazHDOz2offAe6FTOWlEWAegNdKsRgSZmL8MKrJSHsOz8HeAa5kxU1B8xaXbiSOz4aG1ScLDttLJytlKY_NCfV7GWjjacAfocKwnk/s1600/uber.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKmozysHoz9HrzmFtAyEpq_UeyfJnr3Vd1XCOvO5NazHDOz2offAe6FTOWlEWAegNdKsRgSZmL8MKrJSHsOz8HeAa5kxU1B8xaXbiSOz4aG1ScLDttLJytlKY_NCfV7GWjjacAfocKwnk/s1600/uber.png" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nothing much has changed in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No promotions, prizes, movie deals. No launches
or new loves or Instagram-worthy meals. In short, no news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should probably get back to work, but
I’m stuck at the end of a scene and don’t know where it should go now. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I’ll talk about a disturbing incident a
couple weeks ago.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me set the scene. It's late-ish at night in a downtown neighborhood with houses, trees, garbage bins. I’m about to leave a
party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Uber is outside. A couple
of pals want a lift to their hotel so I say, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Come on along</i>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They climb in
the back. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I get in front with the driver, a young woman with a big smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before we start off, she draws a hand across
her mouth and shakes her head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still
smiling, she nods at me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do I get it?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She’s mute.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I explain the change in plan from my original Uber request. We’ll take Art and Sheree to
their hotel and then go back to my place. <i>Okay?</i> I say. The driver points at her GPS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s my address.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Right, </i>I
say<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">, but first go the Marriott Hotel.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She nods again, more doubtfully. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the course of a
misunderstood life, I have spent a lot of time with people who don’t know what
I’m saying. I recognize the symptoms. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh
dear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know how to extend an Uber
trip. I figured the driver would be able help me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we get to my place, I explain again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gesture back at Art and Sheree, and mime
the idea of driving forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The driver
smiles, nods hopefully, and keeps going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A few more blocks, a few more traffic lights. The driver is getting increasingly
anxious. She points at the GPS, which is still showing my address.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I make soothing gestures and take out my wallet to show her that
I will pay extra. She makes a noise in her throat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A sort of growling.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Art asks if there’s a problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His city doesn’t have Uber. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sheree may not do Uber, but she knows suffering
when she hears it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How can we help?</i> she asks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I don’t know, </i>I
say<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I really don’t know</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few more blocks and our driver has had enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She pulls over to the curb, stops the car, and
puts her head in her hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The noise
she’s making now sounds like an over-revved engine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hold out a twenty-dollar bill. She shakes
her head vehemently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No tipping. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Marriott isn't far away. I decide to walk there with Art and Sheree and catch another cab from the hotel. I apologize to
the driver, who still has her head in her hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her throat slips a gear. I leave my 20.00 on
the seat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What’s the most distressing part of the experience?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not the language barrier, or the driver’s handicap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
her big smile at the start of the trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> She has a good one. Lots of teeth, lots of enthusiasm. Optimistic. That's the thing. Despite the obvious bumps on her life road, she's travelling hopefully. </span>I hate throwing that kind of optimism off the cliff of reality.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ3QGMUyV-rd3mW_ZFONb-meWyq_fz6HcmhRMsIaRCYXe-NWswwyiFF110trZgqwY2CLbY2daMWQaaw-RfFJdYGN6jqnYjqsbzn8wZFDx9OdcWQCuUVMF1Shl4VDsSEF44gRttdNa0YVE/s1600/toothy_smile_by_iamthequam-d328r9v.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="900" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ3QGMUyV-rd3mW_ZFONb-meWyq_fz6HcmhRMsIaRCYXe-NWswwyiFF110trZgqwY2CLbY2daMWQaaw-RfFJdYGN6jqnYjqsbzn8wZFDx9OdcWQCuUVMF1Shl4VDsSEF44gRttdNa0YVE/s200/toothy_smile_by_iamthequam-d328r9v.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That was my very first
Uber ride, </i>says Art, crossing the street<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are they all like that?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No, </i>I say.</div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Good</i>, he says. </div>
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Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-28197114035277536532017-10-09T13:00:00.000-05:002017-10-09T13:00:15.740-05:00how scared?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjte0lELioaBSR5IuSLlrug7SaIgZbStl8LpibTejR-OLtWl5mNTvrcY-CojJN7ERaY1HhE_tR5yV1Fcy6cyBBXleaHALTOqYDJbfLHvh2S2f2ugsJk1VN8gQx6xC8tzsk-ALmRL_xllr4/s1600/demon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="420" data-original-width="560" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjte0lELioaBSR5IuSLlrug7SaIgZbStl8LpibTejR-OLtWl5mNTvrcY-CojJN7ERaY1HhE_tR5yV1Fcy6cyBBXleaHALTOqYDJbfLHvh2S2f2ugsJk1VN8gQx6xC8tzsk-ALmRL_xllr4/s320/demon.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">I am feeling a little inadequate right now. Nothing physical – I can long jump as far as ever (a startlingly short distance), and hold my breath while the kettle boils, and do a bunch of pullups – well, a few – well, two.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">I am talking about emotional inadequacy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">When I'm not reading kidlit, I like literary stuff or murder mysteries. Some of my faves slide between the genres,combing stylish prose and kick-ass plotting. You know what I mean -- Kate Atkinson, Richard Price, Gillian Flynn. Guys like that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">Right now I’m having a tough time with<span> </span><i>Prayer</i><span> </span>by Philip Kerr. And it might be my fault. Kerr’s a real good writer. I admire his Bernie Gunther novels for the period detail and interesting moral choices.<span> </span><i>Prayer</i><span> </span>gets great reviews. So why am I alternately bored and suffused with inappropriate giggles?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">The story features an FBI agent who might be dealing with things from beyond the grave. He’s been cursed by a charismatic southern preacher, and he’s genuinely scared for himself and his girl. The closer we get to the pit of hell, the nastier the smells and the faster our hero runs from the demon, the wider I yawn.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">Why can’t I climb on board? I dunno. I admire Stephen King’s work ethic immensely. There’s nothing wrong with his prose style. But I just can’t bring myself to shiver. Oooh, a cursed car. Oooh, a cursed doggie. Oooh, a cursed clown. Ho hum.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">If I myself were being hounded by a demon, I would not run away. What would be the point? Demons pass through walls. They travel faster than light. Me on foot, or in my rental car? Probably not going to get away. If the demon is not real, I'll wake up. If it is real, it's got me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">It’s not that I can’t be scared. Fire, earthquake, creepy relatives, Revenue Canada, lost children – all sorts of things can scare the pants off me. Flashing lights in my rearview mirror bring my heart into my mouth. But demons? Ghosts? Satan, with or without his pitchfork? I just can’t take them seriously. And the result is a loss of enjoyment. I can’t give myself up to the fun of being scared by hell. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;"><span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 17.12px;">At least I have someone to blame. It’s my parents’ fault. If they had given me a proper religious education, I might be able to enjoy Kerr’s book. </span></div>
Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-19537870689603505622017-08-09T10:14:00.001-05:002017-08-09T10:14:24.027-05:00What is it good for?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcyZlkB2wTs2E3toTefkm2nkHd0lNI7lZBmiryv0beW6YOgDO0aiKGtSdyiBlKc0Un1W24tJuEQBVL2v08MrUxh3P4srIrK-8Xef_Mpml8vEGfIQXCNxknCeCNGDjuCStkUe_xyJnEWn8/s1600/dirty-coffee-cup-3-3-detail-1547247.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="440" data-original-width="330" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcyZlkB2wTs2E3toTefkm2nkHd0lNI7lZBmiryv0beW6YOgDO0aiKGtSdyiBlKc0Un1W24tJuEQBVL2v08MrUxh3P4srIrK-8Xef_Mpml8vEGfIQXCNxknCeCNGDjuCStkUe_xyJnEWn8/s320/dirty-coffee-cup-3-3-detail-1547247.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Social media is about connection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is its value. You can be part of a community
without having to get dressed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the important
end of the connection spectrum, you can join a revolt or demonstration and
bring down the government.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the trivial
end, you can <i>ooh </i>and <i>ahh </i>over your pals’ dessert choices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What else?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a
forum, a way to be seen and heard. At the harmless end, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Look at me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be impressed by my amazing
family/vacation/book cover/whatever</i>.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or, on the harmful end of that spectrum, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Look at them!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be appalled/titillated
by choices they have made or had made for them.”</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thirdly, it’s a way to solicit help for a project.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s why I’m posting today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is NOT an opportunity to like my page or
come to my book launch or play a game with me. (Now I think of it, that is kind
of adorable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyone want to come out and
play?) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, this is about an apartment
for my daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s staying with me now. I love her to death but … but … </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll leave it at that. Anyone with teens or twenty-somethings
will know what I mean. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Come on, people. Prove the value of social media. There are literally
dozens of you out there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who knows of a
place for rent in downtown Toronto?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
apartments she’s looked at over the last month or two were all snapped up by
insiders. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe they or their friends or
parents posted on social. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Call this an experiment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Of course buying a lottery ticket is an experiment, too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, please like this pic of my breakfast! </div>
Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-66949234883247688402017-07-15T02:05:00.002-05:002017-07-15T02:09:49.410-05:00stretching myself<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNdD-035-ASC4CxW3Y8tyoQT3zHOIQMjJDfl3eXa3KMj7etiUFoiXIIoCtRwyN4s5pCm1udP3SdU8w65Cac8-lV3H8F5CGbDeJHTcCDi5D88MwUnvLMGthntpDzbiWXSWlALShOi4jTN8/s1600/blue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="274" data-original-width="260" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNdD-035-ASC4CxW3Y8tyoQT3zHOIQMjJDfl3eXa3KMj7etiUFoiXIIoCtRwyN4s5pCm1udP3SdU8w65Cac8-lV3H8F5CGbDeJHTcCDi5D88MwUnvLMGthntpDzbiWXSWlALShOi4jTN8/s200/blue.jpg" width="189" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Funny couple of weeks it’s been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve finished the new book. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Pause for applause. Not a sausage</i>. (Apologies, Spike Milligan.) The
reason I’m writing this is because the first draft of the story – and that’s
all we’re talking about here, the first canter round the paddock -- has taken me
just the longest darn time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it’s not
been easy writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Way better to look
back on now than to live through then. I couldn’t seem to get it done.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is not my first, or even fifteenth, rodeo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am no stranger to deadlines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So why was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i> book so hard to finish?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I liked the concept hook, and was comfortable and confident in the
cosmology of my world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the last knot
or two of story simply would not unravel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The others were done – even Lesley who has another big book
series on the go – and I was still at it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Family holidays were approaching fast. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The days dwindled down to a precious few. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">June.
July</i>. (Apologies, Kurt Weill.) And still the story wouldn’t end. I drank
coffee, refused invitations, eschewed sleep, finally sinking into the frenzied
dream-writing state of my university days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the twenty-four hours before my plane left, I must have written
10,000 words. I wrote, discarded, wrote some more, and some more, packing suitcases,
finding passports, and gulping peanut butter and apples in between sentences. At
11:30 pm, with my daughter sleeping over so we could head to the airport
together, I poured my eleventy-third coffee and sat back down at my desk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I emailed the completed first draft to
my editor, it was 2:30 am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The plane to
Tokyo left five hours later.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whew! And also, WTF? Memories of all-nighters past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am way too old for this shit.What the heck was going on? Why was this one trickier than
usual?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Glad you asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
wondered too, and I think I have the reason.The last time I ran late and stressfully was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ink Me</i>, the first of the ‘7’ books. I
was the last guy writing, the one holding up the line for everyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That book stretched me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a story-teller, I’m usually a first-person smart-ass.
That’s my comfort zone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bunny, the hero
of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ink Me</i>, was a switch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though he’s a lot like me, he writes a phonetic
slang that took me the longest time to regularize and standardize. By now (I’ve
written 3 Bunny books) I move from his head to the page easily, but it took me
a while to find that path. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And this new book is another stretch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve never had an in-your-face narrator
before. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sooo easy to drift off story and
get lost.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent a lot of time reining
in the narrator, trying to focus less on him and more on Archie the hero. Archie’s
a lot like me, but I find it hard to describe myself from the outside. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is the book great?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not
even close. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It might get closer over the
next few months. My editor has said some positive things, but she’s a nice
person and she knows we have to work together. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Great or not – and it may never be great – the book is me
stretching myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s why it
took so many hours and sighs and cups of coffee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If art is failure (thank you, Samuel Beckett) I have tried
hard to fail in a new way.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
By the way, Tokyo is astounding. In case you were
wondering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
been back a day and I am
still adjusting to Toronto, that quaint little town. The only pic I
took is one of my kids sleeping in the airport. This isn't it, but the image
is darn close. </div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-37314307254533615412017-05-21T13:21:00.001-05:002017-05-21T13:21:47.042-05:00playground politics<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJOAZqSvnEKDqfVH-oMhOkYFIjubqGkSPDCJ363Ed0qiMyjXYBamAj7iqWXazSRILY79UpUbWRkjjj9uAArSwoHj2aDjS0bq3CvuMANdM9xEKiBAnZkpWOxqAh72u0iaEfCiJaiSOBUnI/s1600/bully.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJOAZqSvnEKDqfVH-oMhOkYFIjubqGkSPDCJ363Ed0qiMyjXYBamAj7iqWXazSRILY79UpUbWRkjjj9uAArSwoHj2aDjS0bq3CvuMANdM9xEKiBAnZkpWOxqAh72u0iaEfCiJaiSOBUnI/s400/bully.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
I caught the end of a stand-up routine, and it made me think. I won't have the words exactly right, but it went something like this. <br />
<br />
<i>Canada is the bully's friend. The bully beats the shit out of you, and his friend stands next to him, laughing, and when they walk away the friend turns around and says, </i>Dude I'm so so so sorry about what just happened.<i> That's Canada.</i><br />
<br />
Fair comment. America swaggers around the schoolyard, elbowing little kids off the swings and taking their candy. We caper in the bully's wake, telling jokes, sympathizing with victims, but mostly happy not to be picked on ourselves. In the picture there, we're the guy with the backpack.<br />
<br />
My question to the angry comic - and the world, for that matter - is: <i>what would you have us do?</i> We can't beat him up. (I'd use a gender-neutral pronoun but America seems so darn macho - a typical female bully would act different.) And we can't run and tell the teacher, because the bully won't do what she says. <br />
<br />
There are a couple of other bullies on the playground. (They won't obey teacher either.) We try to make friends with them, but America lives next door to us so we'll probably walk home with him. And anyway the big bullies are more interested in each other than us. <br />
<br />
<br />
Mostly we are trying to get through recess with clean pants and an unbloody nose. <br />
<br />
Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-92206374466984031342017-04-29T18:43:00.000-05:002017-04-29T18:45:46.807-05:00madeleine anyone? <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0PV3Zw0Iln2V5AIH2KN-KtheeEeeAPln18rHUtuHugfOEMd7L0Y_yTf1LtsWsFmzAZj24IsW4LwUQ_9B0insL0e-iuB5GGdC_BzX6fHd6ZfP0tFc9sLtwyL0T_QWsQH_TJg2FflkZq4A/s1600/anger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0PV3Zw0Iln2V5AIH2KN-KtheeEeeAPln18rHUtuHugfOEMd7L0Y_yTf1LtsWsFmzAZj24IsW4LwUQ_9B0insL0e-iuB5GGdC_BzX6fHd6ZfP0tFc9sLtwyL0T_QWsQH_TJg2FflkZq4A/s1600/anger.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A random post occasioned by irrationality.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My irrationality.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whenever I react more strongly than the situation warrants –
when my emotional landscape is, as it were, suddenly out of drawing – too much
anger, sorrow, fear, shame, whatever -- I pause and try to work out why. Usually it turns out to be something from my past, something I am reminded of. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I want to yell at the </span>woman dithering in line ahead of me at the
supermarket because I am
mad at my little brother for displacing me in my mom’s affections.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(This
is a for instance, by the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love my
brother. And the blethering change-purse fumbler ahead of me deserves a swift and terrible fate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are people in a hurry, dammit!)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ahem. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Speaking of anger, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I was at the YMCA this afternoon. I love watching sports during
a workout – no sound to distract me from the stair climber and a simple
age-old story: winner, loser.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m keenly
aware that I’m doing my physical best while younger more talented performers on
the pitch or field or ice or diamond are doing the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My Y has a pleasant urban ambience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here a young dad urging his kids gently along
the track.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There a superfit striver on
her 450<sup>th</sup> sit up. (Whoa!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could
you slice deli meat on those abs?)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A susurration
of commentary all around.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju0h1DLSZkITl-veOkv0kQEEzF8ba26_4ctL0iAANSvXbpt-laX76FjD3tt0BVS5HmSIVNK_GCPbTz1_SmMYgZ2dtHRfffMP7Q2tqQhjknINSN0ZgKGYZGgvP2ctYGUCDi6TkjmqRtTso/s1600/abs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="121" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju0h1DLSZkITl-veOkv0kQEEzF8ba26_4ctL0iAANSvXbpt-laX76FjD3tt0BVS5HmSIVNK_GCPbTz1_SmMYgZ2dtHRfffMP7Q2tqQhjknINSN0ZgKGYZGgvP2ctYGUCDi6TkjmqRtTso/s200/abs.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(I would have used an actual photo here but everything I found was too distracting.)</div>
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<br /></div>
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And then –<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a half hour
later during a commercial break, sweat dripping into my eyes --<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I become aware of one particular conversation. It's been going on
all along, without break or variety. I shoot a quick look over my shoulder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am I overhearing a training session?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
2 old guys resting comfortably on adjacent machines, arms folded, legs crossed,
chins wagging, shooting the breeze.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not
a drop of sweat on either of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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They’re not in my way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They’re not in anyone’s way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet
for some reason they begin to bug me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Is it a justice issue?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This isn’t what the Y is for</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Is it envy? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gee I wish
I had someone to talk to</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nope.</div>
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Is it disgust at flabbos who won’t even try to get on
shape?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nowhere near.</div>
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Is it the language?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Closer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s part of it. </div>
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Language and attitude?</div>
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Bingo!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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There it is. Nothing to do with the Y at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Listening to these 2 guys sneering at everything takes me right back to university, when I’d walk past coffee shops full of idle
men passing judgment – usually of a crude and sexual nature -- on every female who
walked by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Didn’t matter if it was afternoon,
evening, or late at night, they’d be there, staring, with their espressos and
smokes and sneers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Obviously there wasn’t
much going on in downtown Toronto in 1980.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
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I had no idea what they were saying but my Portuguese girlfriend would
get angry at being called a whore – loudly -- because she didn’t wear a
kerchief and her skirt was short.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWNkPGwHV_WSHl6uszPMtWp76N8mrmY-aQbk-YcFMo5O2Gbo2bTfSA2_c_A4Nm7uW0pg9e-1IQxPV77GgUwNJmEuuBPJaa6jB-RaCSCPttZNDt0M-UtQ3WjVJQIznolsjuZSGf6csDmiQ/s1600/sneer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWNkPGwHV_WSHl6uszPMtWp76N8mrmY-aQbk-YcFMo5O2Gbo2bTfSA2_c_A4Nm7uW0pg9e-1IQxPV77GgUwNJmEuuBPJaa6jB-RaCSCPttZNDt0M-UtQ3WjVJQIznolsjuZSGf6csDmiQ/s200/sneer.jpg" width="164" /></a></div>
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Bosch captures the effect pretty well. </div>
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This memory is from decades ago, but it comes back crystal clear, thanks to the guys behind me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">An aural madeleine. </span>I can practically smell the little cigars the geezers all used to smoke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think these 2 guys are saying anything
dubious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a lot of Portuguese spoken
at the Y and they’d be in trouble for sexual harassment of any kind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe they're sneering at Trump or Ronaldo – hey,
maybe they're sharing feelings – but the dismissive tone and stance is spot
on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The attitude is exactly the same:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>relaxed, superior, aggressive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s the reason for my anger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now that I see it, I’m not angry any more. Those rude old misogynists from <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my university days must be dead anyway. And serve them right, the bastards! (Hmm. Little anger remains, I guess.)</div>
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Gentrification causes problems of
displacement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We know about the displaced
poor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Has anyone given thought to the
displaced geezers?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those monoglot coffee
clubs of my youth are gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where do you
go to kvetch now?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s lots to criticize about
today’s kids – they’re so fit, so happy, so damn tolerant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Got to hate them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I guess you go to the Y.</div>
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Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-7035572340790039242017-03-19T22:25:00.001-05:002017-03-19T22:31:10.545-05:00cost of business<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlv8L6urlGDMCpWc0kzmYbtA_2eECchK76Dt-oSomUQvw-OVWGOvGfjg0vfskC3hmMvTYY0bt1chifTu_DkeEigOlTaZlLZ6YHhOtHIBlqcfyhxKLVi2UZLoyQMlNJWzmm8clSwFxos2E/s1600/scared.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlv8L6urlGDMCpWc0kzmYbtA_2eECchK76Dt-oSomUQvw-OVWGOvGfjg0vfskC3hmMvTYY0bt1chifTu_DkeEigOlTaZlLZ6YHhOtHIBlqcfyhxKLVi2UZLoyQMlNJWzmm8clSwFxos2E/s320/scared.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I've been talking about transport a lot the past couple of months, and here we go again. This isn't about my aunt's car. I'm still tootling around in it, still causing passengers to blench (kind of like this guy) when I mistake 3d gear for 5th, or stop on a hill and start to roll backwards when I declutch. Actually, a fair bit of blenching goes on during a typical outing. I blench along with my passengers. I figure it's good for us. Gets the heart rate up.<br />
<br />
No no, this post is about my bike. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRqko-mSg0AmMKsvVijDTWHpggdNytbhbakDFfpPeL37RM4w75sy5IXgoaU1glXhdzkLLwDs_tdXBKLqeGsMynKk_FUKvbYH-qGojqlUm35akBgBGsGW3JSl01buhuyX_n5nTGs8kBxQM/s1600/triumph-daytona-phantom-black-main.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRqko-mSg0AmMKsvVijDTWHpggdNytbhbakDFfpPeL37RM4w75sy5IXgoaU1glXhdzkLLwDs_tdXBKLqeGsMynKk_FUKvbYH-qGojqlUm35akBgBGsGW3JSl01buhuyX_n5nTGs8kBxQM/s200/triumph-daytona-phantom-black-main.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Just kidding. I don't own one of those. You know, I don't think I've ever even <i>sat </i>on one -- no no, wait, my one time pal Dean drove me home from a restaurant we both worked at, way back in the 80s. I remember now, I leaned the wrong way in the middle of a turn and we almost crashed. That was my <i>Easy Rider</i> moment.<br />
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No, when I write bike I mean one of these.<br />
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<br />
Almost literally that kind of bike -- it's heavy and slow, with a coaster brake and no gears. I bought it on Kijiji last year. If it were red and a bit smaller, it would be the dead spit of my first 2 wheeler, the bike I learned to ride 50 years ago.<br />
<br />
Toronto is a biking city. It has mediocre public transit and terrible traffic. And it's pretty flat. Three seasons out of four, a bike is by far the quickest way to get around. I remember having downtown appointments a half hour and maybe 5 miles apart. It was rush hour. The TTC was too far away. My boss offered taxi chits, but they would have been no good to me. The ONLY way to make both appointments was by bicycle.<br />
<br />
So imagine my chagrin the other day when I found that my bike had been stolen from the rack. (Yes, it was locked.) Chagrin but not a lot of surprise. Thieves are all around. They have good tools. <i>Gone in 60 seconds? </i>More like <i>Gone in 3 breaths</i>. Lightweight, highly-geared, expensive bikes are prime targets, but even crappy ones like mine go.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPMuwNrlS9JM9chHnyt4012uiulYokgDawKuMRRvMcd1XSMtG3qzOwm_ErxPD3Bt-l3fS1m4tPoAIWV-F3eoWKI0GRUTRgMKi9k7zTF5TnqK-l7pjPGIlO6o_OiaVdX9R5oTduTX8IsHI/s1600/Stolen_bike1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="119" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPMuwNrlS9JM9chHnyt4012uiulYokgDawKuMRRvMcd1XSMtG3qzOwm_ErxPD3Bt-l3fS1m4tPoAIWV-F3eoWKI0GRUTRgMKi9k7zTF5TnqK-l7pjPGIlO6o_OiaVdX9R5oTduTX8IsHI/s200/Stolen_bike1.png" width="200" /></a></div>
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Theft is the cost of doing business. Which I why I buy beaters. Even if I have to get one every year, I am still way ahead of the public transit user.<br />
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Next week I'll start trolling the internet and local bike shops for deals. For now, I'm back to public transit and shank's mare. And my aunt's car. There will be blenching...<br />
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<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-44994375991611946132017-03-03T01:20:00.000-05:002017-03-03T01:20:19.910-05:00take that, Thomas Wolfe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgghu19UmSDBf5I8LFJ8DmLah3Dnaf7W-laWROmV1P3cAFbsI5AISHgzKBRqBsvzWybHRzRfof-2CuNJGOZUByhOwGPTCQllKwRFkxMO_ZqIZ8GST1YQARBa-fY8YQCymItTz0NOGosUSI/s1600/wolfe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgghu19UmSDBf5I8LFJ8DmLah3Dnaf7W-laWROmV1P3cAFbsI5AISHgzKBRqBsvzWybHRzRfof-2CuNJGOZUByhOwGPTCQllKwRFkxMO_ZqIZ8GST1YQARBa-fY8YQCymItTz0NOGosUSI/s320/wolfe.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Wolfe claimed that you can't go home again. Yeah, he's an important writer and he's got a stamp and all that, but so what.<br />
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I just finished a draft of a new book about Norbert, a smart-ass alien who comes to live in the nose of a small-town kid named Alan Dingwall. Norbert and Alan dominated my literary life for a few years in the late 90s and early 2000s. I wrote four books about them. Had some success and a lot of fun. And then put them aside. That was ten years ago.<br />
<br />
A lot has happened in the last decade. Not in Toronto team sports -- we still haven't won a title -- but other things have happened in the world. Some good, some not so good. Some downright awful. On a personal level, I have written a bunch of books that don't feature Norbert or Alan. <br />
<br />
I left them on Jupiter in the middle of an adventure. And, a few months ago, after umpty-thousand questions from fans about whether I would ever write another Norbert book and bring Alan home, I found myself without a deadline and decided - for no particular reason - to give it a try.<br />
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I don't write the same way I used to. Yes, my stories are still quirky with some darkness underneath, but I'm different. More gray hair, less certainty. Could I go back? Could I find Alan's voice again? I re-read parts of the old books to remind myself of the groove, and started in.<br />
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I finished last week. I had fun, which is an important part of writing. Will Tundra publish the new book? Wait and see. <br />
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<br />
OK, don't worry too much. I think I did most of what I set out to do. The story is called <i>Boy To The World</i>, and it's about Alan finishing his quest on the planet Jupiter and getting back to earth where - surprise, surprise - he comes up against a problem that requires him to use what he learnt on the faraway planet. The plot is full of action and goofiness, as usual. There is an upside-down castle. There are bird-fish and snake-women, vacuum hatches and a rocking horse who poops all the time. There are knights with punning names, and useless footnotes. Maybe the book is not as clever as earlier ones. (I may not be as clever myself.) But it might be wiser and simpler. <br />
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In writing, I learned that you <i>can </i>go home again -- not to stay, perhaps, but to visit. Your folks are frailer, and they've changed your bed for a pull-out couch. But the cabbage rolls taste great, the air smells springy, and you can still get a good night's sleep.<br />
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<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-14631990220667794772017-02-12T14:20:00.000-05:002017-02-12T14:20:11.508-05:00salutary moment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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And we're back.<br />
<br />
Updates. I am still driving my aunt's car - badly. (Stalling, finding 6th gear instead of reverse, you know the kind of thing.) But honks and eye rolls are better than torches and pitchforks, so it could be worse.<br />
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Kids are fine. Work is, well, work. (I'm travelling now, trying to cram teaching and editing and creativity into a series of air bnbs.) Love life is at the intersection of Risible and Complicated. (A corner I know pretty well.) What else is new? <br />
<br />
Apropos of car ownership, I had a great life lesson the other week. I haven't felt this proud to be Canadian in a long time. (That's why the picture, if you were wondering.)<br />
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I was in line at Service Ontario. Nothing to be proud of there. You know what it's like.<br />
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<br />
When I got to the head of the line, the clerk who was free held up a hand for me to wait. "Sorry, no English," he said. And gestured to the woman behind me. I stepped aside for her, and she and the guy proceeded in Cantonese or Mandarin (I guess). I checked: was I the only Anglo in line? Maybe. It took another few minutes for a clerk who spoke English to get free.<br />
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I've had to wait for a translator before, but I was always on another continent. This was a first inside my own country. I wasn't angry. Not even close. A little startled, I confess, aware that the joke was on me. We Canadians are proud of our (mostly) welcoming attitude to brave souls making a new life here. Waiting for someone who speaks your language must be a near-universal immigrant experience.<br />
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I am glad to have had a small taste of it. Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-75583801412857464342017-01-13T19:59:00.001-05:002017-01-13T19:59:44.644-05:00target marketing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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You invite all the people you have ever emailed in your whole life to your book launch. Six of them actually show up to drink your booze and eat your canapes. Two of them buy a book. And that's a win. Until recently, this was my experience of marketing. <br />
<br />
So what is going on? Last week I wrote a blog in which I said I didn't really want my aunt's car. Not a sale pitch, just a passing comment. And I have received no less than six offers to buy it. (No more than six either. It was in fact six.)<br />
<br />
Internet works on micro-rents. 600,000 people look at something, you make six cents. Is my blog regularly read by 600,000 people? Don't think so. 6000? More likely but still seems high. 600? 60? 16? Now we're getting close (16 of the coolest, most insightful, fun loving folks around, mind you! And Stephanie too.) In which case, almost half the people who read my blog made an unsolicited offer on my late aunt's car. Now <i>that </i>is target marketing. <br />
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<br />
I wonder why I had so much more success with my aunt's car than my own books? <br />
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<br />
<br />
Oh. That's why. <br />
<br />
Thing is, I am feeling different about the car after another week of ownership. Sorry, y'all. I'm getting used to the thing. Couple days ago I visited a pal in Oakville at the last minute. Only one teeny crisis when I tried to find 6th gear and found 2nd by mistake. (I didn't know the tachometer went that high!) I'm off to the gym in a bit, and the only way I figure I won't die of exposure is if I take the car. (Of course I'm way more likely to die in an accident, but that's another story.) So the car is still there, but I am using it more and more.<br />
<br />
Back to target marketing. Let's test this. Hey there, you wonderful sixteen (or 60 or 600,000). You guys are the best! I mean it! Give yourselves a hand! You too, Stephanie. Now, have you considered what might become of your loved ones if (God forbid!) something were to happen to you? It's a cold winter, and there are crazies on the road (I know!) and, well, anything can happen. Wouldn't you want to be prepared? I have some forms you might want to look at. Just a suggestion....<br />
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<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-5371984392850879392017-01-07T13:29:00.001-05:002017-01-13T18:52:52.498-05:00my part-Scottish heritage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One of my operating principles - a mission statement that underlies many aspects of my behaviour and being - is thrift. I want to get the most value out of things. It's not about saving money <i>per se</i>. I'll happily pay more for better-tasting wine or coffee. But I feel strongly about things being used efficiently.<br />
<br />
So to my late aunt's car. (Not going to talk about my aunt this time. Later, maybe.) That's it up there - same model anyway. The machine is part of the estate. What to do about it?<br />
<br />
I live downtown and so do my kids. None of us wants the trouble and expense of a car. My brother, out in Scarborough, has more cars than he can use and his kids don't drive.<br />
<br />
Can we sell it? Here's where the thrift issue comes in. The car is a mid-price sedan with very low mileage. But it's ten years old and has some minor scrapes and dings. (Another reason my brother doesn't want it. Aunt Mary Lee didn't park as well as she used to towards the end.) A dealer would offer a few hundred dollars. I know it's worth ten times more. Someone who doesn't care about the way the car looks could enjoy it for another 300,00 kms.<br />
<br />
I didn't have to think too long or hard to realize that the most thrifty answer was (sigh) for me to take the car. I don't mind dings and dents. Insurance will cost me about the same as car rentals. And I can make use of my (until now vacant) parking space.<br />
<br />
The kicker is that I am not as good a driver as my late aunt was or my brother is. The car has a stick shift and a peppy engine. <br />
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I foresee hilarity (I've already stalled in the middle of several major intersections, eliciting car horn serenades) and possible trouble. But until I end up in a ditch or blazing inferno, I will be making efficient use of the asset. Triumph of the thrift principle. Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-20032389258422279182016-11-10T10:27:00.001-05:002016-11-10T10:27:45.877-05:00random thoughts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<i>New York Times</i> gave Clinton an 85% chance of winning. Which meant Trump was a 7-1 shot. Do horses win at 7-1? Only all the time. Would you get on a plane with a 85% chance of landing safely?<br />
<br />
Post-election analysis points to feelings of disenfranchisement, alienation, being ignored or snubbed by political power elites. An op-ed piece in my paper today says the election was all about race. My daughter (and her gal pals) say it came down to sex - people simply couldn't pull the lever for a woman.<br />
<br />
I think everyone is right. Because they are all talking about their own experiences, their strongest feelings of fear and anger. And the election was about fear and anger. Trump tapped into basic feelings. Not good ones - base ones, in fact. But they are strong. <br />
<br />
Interesting that 2008 was also about a basic feeling - hope. <br />
<br />
Poll error - I wonder how much lying went on? People not admitting to Trump support in case they got laughed at. Cooler to say you didn't approve of either candidate. Reminds me of those college lifestyle surveys, where, apparently, the average undergrad has monkey sex 7-10 times a week with multiple partners and vast quantities of drugs. Yeah, sure.<br />
<br />
Fear of being laughed at is a real thing. And that fear - and the resulting anger - my well impact American foreign policy. How will Trump react to world leaders who can not disguise their superior smiles, their deprecation?<br />
<br />
<br />
The next few years could well be laughable, tragic, terrifying, incredible, or a combination of all of these. They probably won't be boring.<br />
Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-54756875535625630072016-10-16T16:27:00.001-05:002016-10-16T16:28:46.440-05:00NOT (much) ABOUT TRUMP<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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OK, I that's not true. I was channelling The Donald there and told a whopper. This is about Trump. But it's not what you think. I am not going to rag on the guy. Yes I worry about the world, and I have all the trad liberal values, so I find his racist sexist xenophobic bullying and barefaced falsifications tiresome, scary, and darn near risible. All right, maybe I'm ragging on him a bit.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
One of the sticks Trump is being beaten with now is his comment about the underage kid he may be dating in ten years. And that comment shows an almost (almost) likable side.<br />
<br />
Nothing to do with underage kids. Nothing to do with him saying what we're all thinking. I hope no grownup is thinking about dating underage kids. Geez.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
The comment is (follow me closely here) a joke. Trump is laughing. And who's he laughing at? Himself, that's who. He's laughing at his own creepiness. That's rare. How often does a politician point at his own weakness? Did George W make jokes about how stupid he is? Did Bill Clinton make jokes about his libido? Hell, does Obama laugh at his perceived desire to please everyone, his inability to play hardball with Congress? <br />
<br />
I am not saying politicians should laugh at themselves. Politics is power. I used to wait tables at corporate functions, and it was easy to spot the CEO - the one who was not smiling. So Trump's ability to laugh at himself (now and then) does not make him a better leader. What it makes him is the sort of person I could imagine having as a friend IF -- if he weren't such a gigantic knob in every other way.<br />
<br />
That's all. <br />
<br />
<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-24026474215984270532016-07-17T10:04:00.000-05:002016-07-17T10:04:35.530-05:00fantasy - guy and gal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I love the 'Wee Libraries' in my neighborhood. I always check on them when I walk by, often drop off a book or two. This past week I picked up a recent thriller by Lee Child. (Not that one over there, but that's the one I could find a picture of.) <br />
<br />
I have read several of these. I love the king of the road fantasy Child sells: observant hyper-physical superman working for justice, with no ties, no fears, and new girl every adventure. James Bond and Travis McGee come close to this fantasy but Jack Reacher is freer from the world than they are. No boss, no best friend, not even a change of clothes. He is an ideal, really, the purest example I know -- almost an abstract extension of 'guy'. It's easy to laugh at him, and perhaps he should lay off the head butting before he ends up with CTE, but I think there is a small yearning towards Reacher in most of us Y-chromosome types.<br />
<br />
Know who he reminds me of? Bella, from Twilight. Yup. Now, here I am talking without a lot of knowledge (I've been unable to get through one of the books) but ignorance has never slowed me up before. And I am aware of Bella as an icon. She seems to embody a certain aspect of femininity -- pliant and submissive, seeming to exist only for relationship, succeeding through manipulation. And what a success she is! Not one but two sexy powerful guys will do anything -- <i>anything </i>-- for her. Like Reacher, her girl fantasy is almost perfect. She doesn't even have to walk by herself if there is a guy to carry her. Again, it's easy to laugh. But pay attention to the bit inside that is somehow satisfied by Bella -- or what's her name from 50 Shades, who is virtually the same character.<br />
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I am not judging here. I am interested. The Twilight and 50 Shades books have sold umpty million copies despite being fairly badly written. There's something there. Don't let's hate ourselves for liking them. What's the appeal? I mean, I didn't race through Thunderball because of the prose style. <br />
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Bella is a heroine who gets what she wants using her best girl powers. Is that it? Maybe. When Reacher takes 4 big bullies down at once using elbows, feet and head, we go, Huzzah. Guy power. When Bella puckers up, is it the same thing? (And she's not risking CTE.) One of my favorite heroines is Eliza Bennett, who uses charm, humour and belief in herself to succeed. But what she succeeds in doing is asking Darcy to marry her. <br />
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<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-16980859897629576682016-05-26T09:19:00.002-05:002016-05-26T09:19:59.427-05:00deus ex machinaWhen last we spoke, I was buying a place. Now let me tell you about moving day. Last week. It was - <i>fun </i>is the wrong word for any moving day, but even judged by moving day standards this one was - <i>kinda awful</i>. And yet a valuable experience too. For I found God.<br />
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<br />
No, not that guy. A younger looking deity. And yet there were some similar elements. <br />
<br />
What happened was this. I had been phoning my new building management company for days and days trying to arrange to put an elevator on service. Nobody returned my calls. I began to feel like what's his name from the movie, Office Space: <i>Uh, hiiii. It's me again. Yeah. We seem to be missing each other...</i><br />
<br />
So my moving guys showed up at the old place, loaded the truck, and we took off. Arrived at the new place, we found that the super was not on site, and only one elevator was working. First gulp. It was 8:00 am and folks were doing things. Elevator things. We moved my stuff around them, working slowly, raising a few eyebrows, causing some sighs, realizing that the job was going to take longer than normal. The ground floor hallway filled with my stuff. And then a dude in a striped shirt showed up, looking official.<br />
<br />
"What are you doing?" he demanded. Seriously. Biting back some pretty darn witty things, I told him I was moving in.<br />
"You can't do that today!" he said. "The elevators are being tested. It'll take hours! Hours!"<br />
Second gulp.<br />
I pointed out that my stuff was here, the truck was outside, and in fact I could indeed do that today. I said that maybe management could have answered my messages, telling me that the elevators were being tested today, and saved a lot of grief. <br />
"When did you leave the message?" he demanded.<br />
"Yesterday," I said.<br />
"Well that doesn't leave a lot of --"<br />
"And the day before yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. You guys really should check your messages now and then."<br />
"Well," he said. "Well. I'll have to get back to you. Let me get a card and leave it with you."<br />
Striped-shirt dude stalked off down the hall. I never saw him again.<br />
<br />
All this time we had been hearing moans and screeches from the elevator on the left - the one not in service. The call light over its door was dark. The other elevator moved slowly from the penthouse down. And then ... and then ... its light went out too.<br />
No elevators were working. Third gulp.<br />
We pressed the call button. Nothing. No movement. No light.<br />
My moving crew chief -- Joe, an older stoic guy -- sighed audibly.<br />
"You live on the 6th floor, right?" he said to me.<br />
I nodded.<br />
He looked at my pile of stuff, thinking, no doubt, of having to carry it up 6 flights of stairs. I thought about how long it would take - I was paying by the hour. The other 2 movers showed up with more of my stuff, took in the situation, and sat down.<br />
"Oh oh," said the young cool guy.<br />
We waited. As moments go, it was a long one. Yes, 1st-world problem. No, nobody in danger. Still, it was pretty stressy. Did I say a prayer? And then ....<br />
<br />
The elevator on the left opened. A golden light inside it shone down on 5 weights, 500 lbs each, with the logo of the elevator company. This was a full load. Standing in the middle of the elevator, in a boiler suit with the light shining full on him, arms folded, was ...<br />
"Are you the super?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"Super? Well, some people say so."<br />
He was my height but about twice my breadth, packed hard with muscle. His beard was Old Testamental. His arms, hands, neck - just about all of him you could see - was tattooed. His teeth shone when he smiled.<br />
He was the elevator inspector, doing the load test. I explained my problem. He got it right away. "Management in this building is a joke," he said. "I don't care about them - I care about the people moving in and out, using the elevators. Now listen, I have to take my guys on break now - you understand that?"<br />
"Totally," I said.<br />
"But I am on your side. I will clear this elevator for you. I will do it soon."<br />
I swallowed. "Thank you."<br />
He strode down the hall. The light seemed to follow him. <br />
<br />
In twenty minutes the elevator was working. My stuff was in my new place lickety split. I overtipped Joe and the guys out of exuberance. It was a kind of offering to the real saviour of the day. The elevator inspector. God from the machine.<br />
<br />
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<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-18130724257697028932016-03-14T15:32:00.002-05:002016-03-14T15:32:39.908-05:00I did it for you<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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You know the scene in old war movies where one guy falls on a grenade
to save the rest? It's always a dramatic moment. The whole unit is in
a foxhole and this guy - usually a comic or conflicted character --
maybe the whiner, or the guy with the Italian or Polish accent, or the
guy who doesn't get it -- he sees the grenade first, and jumps on it
just as it goes off. And all his faults are redeemed in that one moment
of self-sacrifice.<br />
<br />
<br /><br />
That's who I'm feeling like right now. I am taking one for the team. <br />
<br />
This is about rising real estate prices. We're all in this war together, like our movie unit. We're asking the same questions. If we're renters, when will we afford a place of our own? If we're homeowners, should we upgrade now, or sell and rent for a while? Will our kids ever be able to buy a place? The market is overdue for a correction, but when is it going to happen? How long can we hold off? It's a grenade, I tell you, a housing grenade. And it's landed right in our foxhole.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
Good news! You can let out the deep breath you've been holding. I just bought a place. I did it for you. Now, thanks to my decision, you know when the market correction is due to hit -- within six months at most. That's how long it took the last time I made a real estate decision. And the time before that. <br />
<br />
I do not have a chequered past in real estate. I have a uniformly grim past, a sad past, a past full of wrong decisions. Over a number of decades during which housing prices have risen umpty-ump percent, I have lost, well, umpty umps of money. Not possible? Oh yes it is. I buy high. I sell low. I do it consistently. You could say I have bad luck. Or bad advice. Or you could say I'm just bad at real estate.<br />
<br />
My expression as I signed the Agreement Of Purchase And Sale this morning was the same expression as that Italian-Polish whiny smart ass in the movie, when he jumps on the grenade. Think Sidney Carton, only without the lost love. Tis a far far better thing I do ....<br />
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<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-65456711721943492872016-01-11T00:25:00.002-05:002016-01-11T00:32:43.203-05:00joker's regret<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am not a regular overeater but it happens. I do, on occasion, have a<i> What was I <b>thinking</b>?</i> moment halfway through a second helping of ribs or fifth shortbread cookie. I have regretted menu choices even before they arrived at the table, even as the words leave my mouth. Tower of onions rings? Duck confit poutine? What <i>am </i>I thinking?<br />
<br />
But you can regret other bad habits. More than once in my life -- more than twice, hell, more than a hundred times -- I have regretted the easy joke. It's there in front of me, a quick laugh, and I find myself unable to resist. I speak without thinking (actually, this is my regular style, even when not telling jokes) and then - after I have cast the words out and cannot reel them back in -- only then do I realize that I might have stepped on some toes. Maybe, just maybe, someone could feel bad about my gag. And I feel bad. Joker's regret.<br />
<br />
I remember a few years ago standing on stage in front of a couple of hundred high-school kids. I choked on my coffee and, without thinking (enough), blurted, <i>Well that certainly did not go down in a fun way</i>. There was a pause, then one sputter, then a few more. Then a general laugh. I tried to save the situation by looking puzzled and segueing to the Titanic (which certainly went down in a not-fun way) but I don't think the teachers were fooled. It wasn't the anger I minded -- it was the sighing.<br />
<br />
If I had the moment to live over, I probably wouldn't have made the joke.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I may have hit another iceberg tonight. Facebook notified me that a friend had commented positively on a book club featuring indigenous Canadian writers. I jumped in without thinking - a quick and easy joke, not even particularly funny -- something about this was all very well but where were the book clubs that featured aging straight white guys? A gag along those lines. As I say, not brilliant, but political correctness is a big fat target, hard to resist. That's not the point. I have joker's regret because I might have made a friend feel bad.<br />
<br />
Now, it would be hilarious if the community collectively kicked me. A hundred thumbs down on my post. De-Friended all over the place. Expressions like the girl in the picture up there. Again, though, it wouldn't be the objective anger that got to me. I'm used to disapproval. Anyone who feels that there is only one way to approach a topic - any topic - is just wrong. But if my friends feel bad, I will too.<br />
<br />
Probably there will be no Facebook-shaming. My friends will roll their eyes. The community will ignore me, or sigh and pat me on the head. I'm used to that too.<br />
<br />
Will the moment of joker's regret stop me from speaking without thinking ever again? I'd like to believe that. I'd also like to believe I'll never again order duck confit poutine. But, you know, I just might...<br />
<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-10025290320967086202015-12-19T02:08:00.000-05:002015-12-19T02:08:56.611-05:00JUDGE NOT, DAMMIT<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
The coolest cities, to my mind, are the ones that care least about the little rules, that bend convention to so everyone can get along. That's what cities are, after all -- vital experiments in mutual tolerance. <br />
<br />
Take traffic lights. This picture is of Manhattan, where the idea is to pretty much ignore lights along with all other signs, which suits the pace of the place and is strangely sensible, given pedestrian volume. The idea of 50 people waiting on a corner for a single light to change so they can cross a near-empty street makes no sense, given that 50 more people are going to arrive every few seconds.<br />
<br />
In Vancouver, on the other hand, the idea seems to be that rules are rules. Lights are there FOR A REASON and you cross against them AT YOUR PERIL. Not that you'll get run down -- drivers are mostly polite and attentive -- but you will be JUDGED by fellow pedestrians. I have received dozens of outraged sniffs and head tosses from Vancouverites who stood next to empty streets waiting for the light the tell them to cross, while I walked towards them against the light. There'd be a large red<b> J </b>on my forehead if they had their way.<br />
<br />
Maybe I'm doing them a disservice. Maybe they want to jaywalk but lack courage -- like Chuchundra the muskrat in "Rikki Tikki Tavi," who longs to run out into the center of the room but can't bring himself to do it. But they don't look scared. Mostly they look accusatory. <br />
<br />
Like the blonde lady with the baby carriage. This was last week. She stood opposite the Dufferin Mall, frowning at me as I ran towards her.<br />
<br />
"The light's red!" she hissed. <br />
Dufferin can be busy so I'd waited for a break in traffic before hustling across the four lanes.<br />
"Sure is," I said.<br />
Then I got it. She was judging me for jaywalking. This is not a usual attitude here. Toronto is mostly full of folks trying to get from A to B as fast as possible.<br />
She looked into the stroller in front of her, then back to me. Big dark eyes in a well made-up pretty face. One of those zippy moms.<br />
"But -- the children!" she said. As if this invoking of our most precious resource would make me break down and promise to sin no more. "If they see you crossing illegally, they'll get the wrong idea. I don't want my --" she said her baby's name here but I confess I've forgotten it "-- to cross against a light someday and get run over."<br />
<br />
I should have laughed and moved on. But I had a fast reply, and the words were on my tongue before I thought them through (and if I had a nickel for every time <i>that's</i> happened...). <br />
<br />
"What do you think is more likely to hurt your baby in the long run?" I said. "Me jaywalking or you smoking cigarettes?"<br />
<br />
Yeah. I know. I walked off, feeling not at all like a hero. Now I was a judge too. And, you know, I didn't like it. <br />
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<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-74488495273705685652015-11-19T11:38:00.003-05:002015-11-19T11:38:38.498-05:00rare day in the life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So it's official. For the first time in I don't know how long my in basket is empty. After an eternity of struggle, catching up to demand of editors, students, teacher librarians, I am looking at a blank screen.<br />
<br />
I am reminded of the moments when my young children were all in good places. There was usually someone in some kind of need. But not always. Every now and then I would look up in the middle of my day, run through the list, and realize that all four of them were okay. Healthy and happy, up-to-date in terms of shots, cavities, homework, haircuts, clothes, and birthday presents. (Yes, I know. No one was starving or drowning, abused or at war. No one had cancer. These are healthy first-worlder concerns. I was and am aware of the little-league aspect of my worry life.) <br />
<br />
I remember feeling - for those few hours - off the parental hook. As I do now, workwise. <br />
<br />
How long will this state last? Not very. There's manuscripts due back any day now, students to ment, and Christmas is coming. So I must make a point of enjoying it.<br />
<br />
Hallelujah. Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-90797443961213096052015-09-12T21:16:00.002-05:002015-09-12T21:16:47.981-05:00Lucky Jonah<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Blogging is like exercise. I know I should get to it -- but there's always something more pressing, or fun, or ... anyway, here we are again. Puff puff, pant.<br />
<br />
Summer was long - amn't I right? Long and hot, least it seemed so to me in my un-airconditioned apartment. I had a couple of <i>mss </i>hovering over my desk for most of it. The one I'll talk about now was a substantive edit that was really more of a re-write. <br />
<br />
I decided to tweak the hero's issue. In this draft, Jonah (that's his name) would have a growing awareness of his gayness. I'm always keen to write from a point of view I know and don't know. I like to surprise myself when I write.<br />
<br />
Being gay has never been a big deal to me. My best friend at uni was gay. I've spent my adult life in the restaurant business and in publishing. I am totally used to gay company. But I wonder how I'd feel if I was gay myself? That's what I wanted to write about -- the growing realization that there was this fundamental area of yourself that was, well, <i>different</i>.<br />
<br />
I didn't have much trouble with the rewrite. You have to find a piece of yourself to put into a character and give it conviction. Jonah is a loser with a sense of humour, and things happen to him in the course of the story that are, well, hilarious. Jonah spends a fair amount of time thinking, <i>Holy crap, <b>now </b>what do I do?</i> This is very much like me. <br />
<br />
But was gay Jonah credible? That was my fear. I've shared time and space and intimacy with gay men and women, but I'm straight. And I grew up a generation ago. My best gay friends are old or dead. Being gay is still a struggle but it's easier now -- at least in the urban secular 1st world. I needed someone young and gay to vet the story.<br />
<br />
So I did what any parent would do. I asked my kids for help. Thea put me in touch with one of her best friends (whom I remember as a cute 6 year old). Mack is still pretty cute but he's now 20-something, towering over me, formidably well read. He let me buy him a beer and said he'd read the <i>ms </i>and offer comment.<br />
<br />
Good news! He likes Jonah and the story. Bad news! A couple scenes are really wrong. <br />
<br />
<i>I just don't see why you've got him running away from the best friend, </i>Mack told me<i>, </i>over the phone. <i>He's got a thing for the guy, he's got a chance to kiss him, and he runs away.</i><br />
<br />
<i>But Jonah's a girl now</i>, I said. (<i>Lucky Jonah</i> is nothing like the Bible. I don't know why uploaded the picture except it made me smile. In my story there's a magic camera that turns you into people, and Jonah has become the best friend's girlfriend.)<br />
<br />
<i>Girl, boy, so what? </i>said Mack<i>. You get a chance to smooch your hottie best friend, you go for it.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Would you? </i>I asked.<br />
<br />
<i>In a heartbeat.</i><br />
<br />
So I got a chance to write my first sort-of gay sex scene. It looks hetero, but the girl is really a guy. (Wow, maybe I am venturing into transgender territory.) Anyway it is a middle-school novel. The sex is pretty tame. The only toys involved are from Mattel and Lego.<br />
<br />
That was last month. Now summer is over and the book is off at the publisher's, ready for the line edit and copy edit and ARC and second ARC and - finally - maybe - with luck - the Indigo / Amazon warehouses, and the indie bookstores, and classrooms. Keep your eyes open for <i>Lucky Jonah.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Hey, anyone going to be at the Telling Tales Festival? I'll be there, tagging along with a stellar line up. It's in Westfield heritage Village, Rockton Ontario on the 20th - a cool time guaranteed. Heres the website: <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.tellingtales.org/">http://www.tellingtales.org/</a><br />
<br />
<br />
Ok, I feel fitter now. See you next time I feel the need to exercise. <br />
<br /><br />
Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-44740169816588165342015-07-09T15:29:00.002-05:002015-07-09T15:35:42.407-05:00can't see the forest for the trees...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The last months of the school year went through me like green corn. Travelling all over Ontario (well, southern Ontario) thanks to the Forest Of Reading. There were festivals in Thunder Bay, London, Toronto, Mississauga, and Oshawa, and I was there for each one, smiling, nodding, signing books, and making speeches and presentations. That picture was taken in Peel, I think. You can't see me but I'm there in the front row. Did I have fun? Yes. Would I do it again? Totally. Next month? Well, maybe I'd wait a bit.<br />
<br />
A Forest Of Reading nom does more for book sales than just about anything else in Canadian kid lit. So many schools are on board, so many librarians order your book ... it's like a Scholastic Book Fair times 500 schools, and you actually make some money. I'm pleased that the selection committee liked <i>Zomboy </i>enough to include it this year. <br />
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You don't have to win the award -- the winner doesn't make any money or sell many more copies. Simply being on the short list is a victory. Which is just as well. <br />
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Winning any award is a bit of a crap shoot. The right judges, the right timing, the right book. People's choice awards are an even purer crap shoot because the judges are regular folks instead of professionals. Denominators are lower, emotions are higher.<br />
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What kind of authors win readers' choice awards? Cool ones. Young ones. Judges like to vote for people like themselves - which makes sense. But more important than <i>who </i>you are is <i>what</i> you write. Most kid authors are neither young nor cool, and some of them win. <br />
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So, what kind of stories win? The tear-jerker about a tough kid making her way against the odds is a good bet - especially if her dog or sister dies. The action-packed adventure might win, if the world is in jeopardy and our protagonist has a cool weapon. Adventure and sentiment rule. <br />
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Man, I wish I could write that kind of story. But you have to believe and care about what you write, and I, well, I can't care about that stuff. I don't mind reading it, but every time I imagine writing about a dog (or sister) gazing at me with liquid eyes as they breathe their last, I start to giggle.<br />
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Want to know what <i>doesn't </i>win, no matter how the dice roll? I'll tell you. What won't win is a story about zombies that is really a riff on racism and school bussing, where the overall tone is funny quirky and the ending is left kind of vague. Don't write one of those.<br />
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Sadly, I did, and so I was not the winner of the Red Maple Award this year. I didn't win in Thunder Bay. Then I didn't win in London. Then I didn't win in Toronto, Peel, Oshawa. The picture up there does not show me winning. It might have been one of the times Eric won (adventure, cool weapon) or Rona (dead children). I spent the end of the school year not winning the award.<br />
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Sigh. I got used to it.<br />
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Am I glad to have been on the short list? Yes. Would I do it again? You bet. Will I write an easier-to-like book for next time? I'll try, but I haven't written one of those yet. Don't bet on me.<br />
<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-75706608519041958422015-04-10T10:42:00.002-05:002015-04-10T10:43:25.464-05:00Snow Day!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Free day! I was supposed to drive to Montreal to visit Ed who goes to school there, but scheduling and illness dropped from a great height and the cancelled the trip. So I have - get this - NOTHING required of me today or tomorrow.<br />
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<i>Ahhhh</i>. This is stolen time, time away from the world. Fire from heaven.<br />
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Don't get me wrong -- I miss Ed immensely, would LOVE to see him. And what with editing two books and writing a third, juggling irate editors like chainsaws, I have TONS of stuff to do.<br />
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How odd, then, that my response would not be regret at missing my son or grateful and diligent application to my legitimate tasks. No, I want straight to the kid place: <i>Snow day! Woo hoo! </i><br />
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I wonder if this is a human thing or a Scrimger thing? I remember way way back, slaving away on a project due the day after tomorrow, worrying like hell because I wasn't likely to finish in time, and when the deadline got extended by a week, my first action was to go to a movie.<br />
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Do prime ministers respond this way to unexpected gifts of time? Do tycoons or saints or scientists? Or is it only us irresponsible artist-kid types?<br />
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I'm not entirely stupid -- I know that time is never GIVEN but only loaned at interest. There'll always be more stuff to do, and even less time to do it. But I can't help my feeling of relief right now.<br />
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I should phone Ed (actually that'll be fun) and get back to my book. I know I should. But maybe I'll put on another pot of coffee and savour my freedom for another few minutes.Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-17959092865325790052015-03-23T01:41:00.000-05:002015-03-23T01:41:09.296-05:00something different<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I didn't ever come back to the time at the Sharjah International Book Fair last December, where I sat on a panel very much like the one in the picture, with the Minister of this and the Professor of that and a moderator with a frown you could build a temple on. Serious moderator. Our discussion was titled: <i>The Nectar Of Meaning</i>, a topic so, um <i>open </i>(that is to say, meaningless, not to say stupid and hilarious), that I spent no time in preparation. There were TV cameras and translators and an actual audience, and the other panelists pulled out sheafs (or sheaves, like bringing in the sheaves?) of notes, and I sat there, mesmerised by the moderator's lowered mono brow and note taking which was in Arabic (duh) and backward - that is, right to left (also duh. I don't get out much). I actually stared down at the hand and thought, Cool. I am such a doofus.<br />
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The other panelists spoke first. They used the phrase <i>nectar of meaning</i> a couple of times. The prof got especially worked up about it. Thing is, I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. I had a translation, all right, but the concepts were so abstract, the sentences so laboriously constructed and hard to decipher that nothing registered in my ear. They might as well have been saying <i>blah blah blah blah nectar of meaning blah blah</i>. Half an hour later the darkness was still total. Then it was my turn. The moderator wanted to know what I could add to my fellow-panelists' analyses.<br />
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I started my own talk with the phrase, <i>And now for something completely different</i>. Then I told some stories and hoped for one of those <i>scene missing</i> slides. <br />
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The reason I remember this Sharjah moment now, months later, is that I went through a similar experience last week. <br />
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I was part of a quarter of writers at a genre-type literary event. Now, I have no issues with <i>genre</i> writing -- I read a lot of detective stories and fantasy. But for all my metaphysical speculation I don't write genre (unless you figure that all writing is one genre or another - which I kind of believe. The tropes of fantasy - elves and swords, quests and curses and magic rings -- are not much different than the tropes of serious literary fiction -- exotic older love interests, mentally troubled siblings, sexual secrets). Anyway. I listened to these talented folks reading about magic and the coming of the Star Cats, about fae and their non-human heroines, and I applauded along with the rest of the audience. And then it was my turn, and I opened my spiel with: <i>And now for something pretty darn different</i>.<br />
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<br />Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-260174438615435300.post-32102883795926430792015-02-05T12:51:00.000-05:002015-02-05T12:51:21.876-05:00Funny?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am no longer going to apologize for blogging infrequently. Yes, I could be more diligent. I could also be taller, cuter, richer, and better groomed. But I'm not so, well, what the hell? Yeah, that's my defence: the WTH defence. (I wonder if that would work on a murder charge? <i>Yeah, your honour, I killed him, but, you know, what the hell? </i>)<i> </i><br />
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Tons of stuff has happened. Chanukah, Christmas,Kwanzaa, New Year's, Martin Luther King Day, my youngest's birthday. Tons. I can't remember New Year's -- I must have had too much fun. (I can't remember MLK Day either.) I've been to Florida to visit my dad. I've been to a bunch of schools to talk about stories. I've finished editing my magic camera book. And I've had a haircut. <br />
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Gonna talk briefly about humour today. Kind of my bread and butter, since I tend to write funny-ish books (that's my story, anyway). Is anything off limits for humour? Off the top I'm going to answer, No. You can tell a joke about anything. Yes any subject. But for me to find a joke funny, it can't be mean. Tasteless, stupid, pointed - sure. But not mean. <br />
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I like to push boundaries a bit, to shock or surprise the reader or listener. Without surprise there's no humour. The whole point of the joke is the unexpected element. When the grasshopper hops up onto the stool and the bartender says, <i>Hey there's a drink named after you, </i>and the grasshopper<i> </i>goes<i>, Really, there's a drink named Bob? </i> we laugh (maybe not anymore -- it's a pretty old joke) because we don't expect the bug to have a human name.<br />
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Shock can be funny -- Robin Williams' favorite joke features incest, and the shock is part of the humour. There's the one about the homicidal pedophile taking the little boy into the woods -- that's pretty funny too. When I was a kid we'd roll on the ground laughing at dead baby humour. These jokes are not mean. If some people find them offensive, that says more about the listener than the joke. I'm happy to ignore any response that begins: <i>How dare you</i> ... <br />
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BUT is there a funny racist joke? Is there a funny joke that makes fun of the way some people speak? Not to me. Because they're mean jokes. I happen to think Leminy Snickett is a smart and talented guy, and I have tons of sympathy for an emcee trying to be funny and grabbing what he thinks is an easy laugh (I have done this myself - and got in trouble for it). But that joke at Jacqueline Woodson's expense is a loser because it's kind of mean. If Leminy were African-American it would still be a lousy joke because it makes fun of a stereotype, and that's not good. Mort Sahl standing up halfway through the premier of the (very long) movie <i>Exodus </i>and shouting at the director: <i>Otto, let my people go!</i> is funny because he is making fun, not of a stereotype, but of something that happened to the Jews. So, Holocaust humour - sure. But jokes based on how Jews, or any group of people, are <i>perceived </i>will be a harder sell. That's victimizing. You'll have to really surprise me.<br />
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Is there a funny Ghomeshi joke? I'm going to say it's possible. Because the only one you'd be victimizing is him, and he kind of deserves it.<br />
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Richard Scrimgerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14810796827331508445noreply@blogger.com0