Friday, 4 April 2008

for butter or worse

First off, I must thank those who wrote in with suggestions on how to solve my zombie problem. You should be working on fiction projects. Your plots are all much better than mine. Clearer, more gripping, better constructed. My own outline for the end of the book shows gaping holes everywhere, the fabric of my story a gauzy semi-transparent thing, suitable for the beach or the strip club. Now, with your ideas in hand, I can perhaps patch my outfit together, and at least cover my narrative nakedness.

Yesterday I got away from the zombies. Yes, it was Richard Scrimger day at a far-flung public school, and I basked in glory and personal questions throughout the afternoon and evening. There were pictures, and speeches, and signs all over the school. There were hugs and applause and book signings, and a triumphant dinner featuring both chow mein and Oreo cookies. I must confess to a small feeling of disappointment, however. When I was informed of the celebration, I envisaged a statue. Vanity, I know, but I was kind of hoping to see an image of myself. I recall visiting the Royal Winter Fair as a youngster, and being captivated by a life-sized sculpture of Terry Fox done entirely in butter. What a tribute! I thought to myself. Every time I go to the Royal, I check for the butter sculpture. I've seen Gretzky, Mandela, and the Little Mermaid. One year they did Kim Campbell - not too shabby. (That's not her in the picture below, by the way -- it's Marilyn Monroe. The one above is Tiger Woods. Note the detailing on the bench. That's craftsmanship, people.)

So, like I say, on my way north yesterday (driving well within the speed limit) I was nourishing a small hope at the back of my mind. A statue. Nothing life size, of course. But still, evidence of a certain artistry and time commitment. I passed dairy cows, and thought: Ahhh, raw material.
But it was not to be. At the end of the day I shook hands with the event organizers and smiled to cover my dead and withered hope, and drove off. There's another Richard Scrimger celebration planned in another small community in a couple of weeks. I wonder. I wonder.
Here's a quick question for you. Butter, being readily available, easy to carve, and silly, is an ideal material for statues. I'm wondering about other choices. If you could choose the material for your own brief immortalization (a tricky concept, come to think of it) what would it be? So far my thoughts are hovering between Spam, macaroni, and styrofoam pellets....

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'd like a stump carving. It's not short term like butter, but it is temporary and I figure it would be easy to memorialize me in an old dead tree stump. Kinda knobby in places, thick at the bottom, feet planted firmly in the earth and wild, willowy hair.

Eventually, I'd fall over and be moss covered and nibbled by bugs.

Cath

Richard Scrimger said...

I don't mind the idea, but isn't stump carving, well, height-ist? Who else but short people can get down there with their chisels and sanders? And then you have to leave your statue out in the rain .... RS

that's what she said...

Mashed potatoes, peanut butter, lint, foil, sponge, dirt, ice, chocolate, sticky rice, earwax, turtles, lost socks, cheese, and gum would all be noble materials to temporarily preserve my likeness.

Anonymous said...

Depends on where you lop off the top. I have a stump that must be ten feet high in my backyard holding up my clothesline. Picture totem poles.

You think "short", I think I could be tall for once in my life.

Cath

Anonymous said...

Sand

Richard Scrimger said...

Yes, it expresses you perfectly
RS

Anonymous said...

I'm all for the whittling in Irish Spring or Ivory soap bars....it's like a theme day - "Whittle Richard" (could play Lucille or Tutti Fruitti in the background) & let the kids rock out.

Hear more good comments about your work in a Belleville at a teacher workshop the other day. Really connecting to the kiddoes. Great stuff!

Susan

Richard Scrimger said...

You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille? Really? That I have to hear. Oh, and never trust a Bellevillian principal. I had a good time but the kids and teachers did all the work. RS

Anonymous said...

On reflection I'm favouring candy floss.

Sand