Friday, 5 December 2008

what'll it be, dear?

I was having lunch in a family restaurant last week. You know the kind of place: vinyl booths, hot turkey sandwiches and fountain coke, pay the cashier on your way out. And busy waitresses -- usually of a certain age and body type -- wearing white shoes and smiles. I'm writing today in a kind of homage to these waitresses. It seems to me that they represent the purest example of what I can call eglitarianism.
I can't think of anyone other group (they're almost a caste, aren't they?) with only one form of address for the whole world. No matter who you are -- pop star or pauper, male or female, grandparent or babe in arms -- you are "dear" to them. That friendly caring word is on their lips no matter whom they are addressing. You, me, Osama, Queen Elizabeth, Batman, everyone. If the Prince of Darkness ordered a hot turkey sandwich from a family restaurant, the waitress would smile and say, "And what'll you have to drink, dear?" And when he ordered boiling hot baby's blood, or whatever, she'd purse her lips and say, "I'll check for you, dear, but I don't think we have any."
Heartwarming, isn't it? Who can object to being called "dear" by a motherly woman? Not me.
The only other stereotype with something approaching a uniform salute would be the outlaw biker gang --only the term they use for everyone is not, "dear." I can't imagine that a family restaurant staffed by outlaw bikers would do very well.


Marilyn said...

Boiling hot baby's blood? Interesting restaurant
that would serve that. Maybe it would cater to vampires.

Anonymous said...

The Twilight Diner...Long Neck, Delaware. Open nightly -- strictly nightly.


The Perpetual Expatriate said...

Aah, but if you were in Yorkshire in England, those waitresses would call you "love". Pronounced "luv". It throws visitors somewhat, men panic and think said waitress has fallen in love with them, until they hear the waitress say the same to everyone, then of course they get jealous. Oh ... in the Midlands area of England they would call you "duck", now that really throws folk.