Thursday, 7 January 2010

feeling pleaumb

Hey, how about this? Just back from a visit to the Rogers store, where I asked a simple question and got an answer. I said: Can you lower my monthly cell phone bill? And the woman said: Sure.
And then she did it. With a few mouse clicks and some keystrokes she saved me something like 200.00 a month on my phone bill. 200.00 a month -- do you know what that means? I could buy five big free-range turkeys with that kind of money. Five big turkeys every month. Think of that. With gas at 1.00 a litre and my car getting 8kms/litre I could drive ... some large number of kilometres, honking merrily. Every month I could do that. Or I could save up for a year and buy a closet full of lightbulbs. As God is my witness I'd never go dark again (unless there was a power outage).

Anyway, I am pleased at my savings. But I am also upset. I waited months and months to get in touch with Rogers. I'd get a huge phone bill and say: I must call these people. And then I wouldn't do it. Inertia gripped me more tightly than a sleeping child. By the neck it gripped me. And then there'd be emergencies (food, lightbulbs, gas) that would distract me from my phone bills. And another month would go by. And the cycle would begin again. If it weren't for Sam's broken cell phone (a four-alarm fire of an emergency) coinciding with a trip to a mall with a Rogers outlet, I wouldn't have been in the store in the first place.

So here I am waiting for this month's bill, feeling pleased and a bit dumb. And if you want to know how I can feel them both at the same time, well, it's easy. I have practice with this pleaumb feeling. (Should it be plumb? Dumeased?) Maybe it's because my sports teams lose all the time. Maybe because I have kids and an ex and an old car. Because I wear thick glasses, and publish books that not everyone likes. Because I am a person. Come on, haven't you felt pleaumb too?

Hey, speaking of books, my new one is coming real soon. Me & Death. There's some reviews out there that I feel pretty darn pleaumb about. If you get hold of a copy, let me know what you think.


Anonymous said...

I love your books!

Richard Scrimger said...

Aw, Anonymous! Thanks. You are the best!!

Anonymous said...

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Marilyn said...

I read some reviews online.... sounds great. Can't
wait to read it! But not coming out until April?
I guess it's not that far away. Time goes fast these days.

Richard Scrimger said...

I dunno about the tech end. April does seem a long way away now, but you wait....